So much to share!
(God is saying a lot these days - and I'm finally listening.)
But, it's bed time.
and there is more Organic Chemistry that I have yet to study. o.O
Sleep it is! =)
(I don't know what I would do without emoticons.)
Currently: started reading through Psalms with the little sister.
tomorrow is chapter 3...sitting in verse 5:
5I lay down and slept;
I woke again, for the LORD sustained me.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
New.
(note! previous post = last minute scholarship entry)
I feel, surprisingly refreshed, rejuvenated, re-focused, re-motivated.
Weird - feeling rested after a break? ah, such a concept. Hallelujah.
I'm wondering lately, what do I spend my time talking about the most?
Is it me?
Is it what I'm doing?
Is it my family?
Is it complaining?
Is it encouraging?
Am I professing Christ before man?
I don't know.
Reminded that I need to be thinking about the thoughts I think.
More intentionality, purpose, focus.
(you know?)
I want that.
and I can!
Do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Not desiring to be "normal" any more, because I think I'm finally accepting (again) that God has not called me to be "normal."
(or, perhaps I need to line up my definition of "normal" with His.)
Striving to take His Word as a command, not a suggestion.
And not be offended by His commands - He knows who He is and what He wants.
How comforting for such an indecisive, flighty person like myself.
thankful that God is BIG.
and that I can't fully comprehend/wrap my mind around who He is and what He does. glory.
I feel, surprisingly refreshed, rejuvenated, re-focused, re-motivated.
Weird - feeling rested after a break? ah, such a concept. Hallelujah.
I'm wondering lately, what do I spend my time talking about the most?
Is it me?
Is it what I'm doing?
Is it my family?
Is it complaining?
Is it encouraging?
Am I professing Christ before man?
I don't know.
Reminded that I need to be thinking about the thoughts I think.
More intentionality, purpose, focus.
(you know?)
I want that.
and I can!
Do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Not desiring to be "normal" any more, because I think I'm finally accepting (again) that God has not called me to be "normal."
(or, perhaps I need to line up my definition of "normal" with His.)
Striving to take His Word as a command, not a suggestion.
And not be offended by His commands - He knows who He is and what He wants.
How comforting for such an indecisive, flighty person like myself.
thankful that God is BIG.
and that I can't fully comprehend/wrap my mind around who He is and what He does. glory.
Free to Fail (and get back up)
***THIS BLOG POST IS IN RESPONSE TO MICHAEL GOODWIN'S "FREEDOM TO FAIL" VIDEO***
"If you don't aim for anything, then that's what you're going to get every time." The other night, I was dialoging with my mentor, and this phrase came across her lips. As I reflect on decisions that I have made and the varied courses that I have seen friends pursue, I keep arriving at the conclusion that the "freedom to fail" is more internal than external. While there are portions of Goodwin's observations that I agree with, and will soon expound on, I believe the concept of failure lies within individual perspectives. Personally speaking, if I trace back from moments where I had "failed," it typically stemmed from areas where I had already felt inadequate or was ill-equipped for the situation. As much as someone believes they deserve to succeed, it is just as contorted to suppose that they deserve to fail.
Concerning Goodwin's viewpoint, there are current areas within my county's school system that cause me to concur with him. I am not certain if other states have attempted this project, but in various Georgia counties, they had (rather unsuccessfully) tried to condense their high school math curriculum by replacing traditional mathematics with the recently created Math I, II and III. This smorgasbord approach proved to be difficult both for the teachers to instruct and the students to understand. My mother has an independent tutoring business where she has been able to correct and redirect multiple students by supplementing their textbooks with more thorough resources. Thanks to the resourcefulness of high school parents, the diligence of my mother and the hard work from her clients, I believe an excellent capitalistic picture has been painted here. Rather than the parents choosing to attack the school board or individual teachers, they have used this opportunity not to pacify their children, but to guide them into cultivating behaviors for success.
I remember hearing Goodwin make the statement that, "without failure we can't succeed." Yes, there is some truth to that, but I believe that it goes deeper still - if we do not DO anything, we cannot succeed. Case in point - this scholarship essay. I only discovered this opportunity a few days ago, and my initial response was to not even try, because I thought it would give the appearance of laziness by submitting my response so close to the deadline. My own false assumption gives voice to my belief, that as long as we have the capacity to cognitively form our own decisions, we do not lack the freedom to fail.
"If you don't aim for anything, then that's what you're going to get every time." The other night, I was dialoging with my mentor, and this phrase came across her lips. As I reflect on decisions that I have made and the varied courses that I have seen friends pursue, I keep arriving at the conclusion that the "freedom to fail" is more internal than external. While there are portions of Goodwin's observations that I agree with, and will soon expound on, I believe the concept of failure lies within individual perspectives. Personally speaking, if I trace back from moments where I had "failed," it typically stemmed from areas where I had already felt inadequate or was ill-equipped for the situation. As much as someone believes they deserve to succeed, it is just as contorted to suppose that they deserve to fail.
Concerning Goodwin's viewpoint, there are current areas within my county's school system that cause me to concur with him. I am not certain if other states have attempted this project, but in various Georgia counties, they had (rather unsuccessfully) tried to condense their high school math curriculum by replacing traditional mathematics with the recently created Math I, II and III. This smorgasbord approach proved to be difficult both for the teachers to instruct and the students to understand. My mother has an independent tutoring business where she has been able to correct and redirect multiple students by supplementing their textbooks with more thorough resources. Thanks to the resourcefulness of high school parents, the diligence of my mother and the hard work from her clients, I believe an excellent capitalistic picture has been painted here. Rather than the parents choosing to attack the school board or individual teachers, they have used this opportunity not to pacify their children, but to guide them into cultivating behaviors for success.
I remember hearing Goodwin make the statement that, "without failure we can't succeed." Yes, there is some truth to that, but I believe that it goes deeper still - if we do not DO anything, we cannot succeed. Case in point - this scholarship essay. I only discovered this opportunity a few days ago, and my initial response was to not even try, because I thought it would give the appearance of laziness by submitting my response so close to the deadline. My own false assumption gives voice to my belief, that as long as we have the capacity to cognitively form our own decisions, we do not lack the freedom to fail.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
100%
Isn't that the grade you want to see at the top of every test?
Just some solid, academic proof that your hours of diligent studying really did pay off?
Then, when you DO receive that validation that comes from 100%, your heart is lighter, the air is fresher, your professor suddenly doesn't seem so dreadful and God is worthy to be praised!
But -
What if you did not receive 100%? What if it was only 82%? (fact: it was) All of those hours you spent pouring over texts and watching far too many Youtube videos about photosynthesis and cellular respiration suddenly seemed fruitless and pointless. Could your heart still be light and the air still be fresh? Could you still speak blessings over your instructor and find something to thank God for?
I had been wrestling with this, particularly by the time I received my third 82 (haha, seriously?! bizarre. Now, it makes me chuckle & praise Jesus for extra credit.) My attitude at the time? Sheer chagrin:
:-)
Eventually, I worked my way towards "Ok, Father...I know that from You and through You and to You are ALL things...so howww am I supposed to glorify you through this failure??" (maybe not FAILURE, but still. you get it.) But this was honestly my question - this is what happened, so there has to be a way for God to still receive glory through this...just a matter of getting my own attitude out of the way.
So, in an effort to decrease myself and increase my perspective of God in this situation (as petty & fleeting as it is in the grand scheme of life), I did what anyone else would do: since I made an 82, that must mean I should read Psalm 82!
(you think I'm kidding.)
Nope, totally did it.
What did I gather? A broader viewpoint - Rescue the Weak and Needy.
humbled. convicted. Yet, still not satisfied & prone to whine.
"But God, what if I had made 100? What would you say THEN?"
(so thankful for His patience...I would've slapped me by now.)
Psalm 100? oh nothing, just A PSALM FOR GIVING THANKS.
"Don't wait to thank Me. Don't wait to praise Me. Yes, I will show you how to better prepare, but test grades aside - I AM worthy to be praised. Worthy to receive thanks. Period."
ahh, and just because God IS so very patient and gracious and relentless and wonderful, I met Psalm 50 the other day. (thankfully, not because of a test result this time.)
verse 23~ "The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!"
That's the latest.
also, Psalm 126:5-6 = encouraging.
God is in control. He knows.
Love!
Just some solid, academic proof that your hours of diligent studying really did pay off?
Then, when you DO receive that validation that comes from 100%, your heart is lighter, the air is fresher, your professor suddenly doesn't seem so dreadful and God is worthy to be praised!
But -
What if you did not receive 100%? What if it was only 82%? (fact: it was) All of those hours you spent pouring over texts and watching far too many Youtube videos about photosynthesis and cellular respiration suddenly seemed fruitless and pointless. Could your heart still be light and the air still be fresh? Could you still speak blessings over your instructor and find something to thank God for?
I had been wrestling with this, particularly by the time I received my third 82 (haha, seriously?! bizarre. Now, it makes me chuckle & praise Jesus for extra credit.) My attitude at the time? Sheer chagrin:
–noun
1. a feeling of vexation, marked by disappointment or humiliation.
:-)
Eventually, I worked my way towards "Ok, Father...I know that from You and through You and to You are ALL things...so howww am I supposed to glorify you through this failure??" (maybe not FAILURE, but still. you get it.) But this was honestly my question - this is what happened, so there has to be a way for God to still receive glory through this...just a matter of getting my own attitude out of the way.
So, in an effort to decrease myself and increase my perspective of God in this situation (as petty & fleeting as it is in the grand scheme of life), I did what anyone else would do: since I made an 82, that must mean I should read Psalm 82!
(you think I'm kidding.)
Nope, totally did it.
What did I gather? A broader viewpoint - Rescue the Weak and Needy.
humbled. convicted. Yet, still not satisfied & prone to whine.
"But God, what if I had made 100? What would you say THEN?"
(so thankful for His patience...I would've slapped me by now.)
Psalm 100? oh nothing, just A PSALM FOR GIVING THANKS.
"Don't wait to thank Me. Don't wait to praise Me. Yes, I will show you how to better prepare, but test grades aside - I AM worthy to be praised. Worthy to receive thanks. Period."
ahh, and just because God IS so very patient and gracious and relentless and wonderful, I met Psalm 50 the other day. (thankfully, not because of a test result this time.)
verse 23~ "The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me;
to one who orders his way rightly
I will show the salvation of God!"
That's the latest.
also, Psalm 126:5-6 = encouraging.
God is in control. He knows.
Love!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy 2011. (forreal this time)
It seems like this happened the last time I struggled to (find time) pull a post together...2 were started with clever titles, but never completed...
~January 25, 2011: "11 months 'til Christmas!"
----Going back through my journal entry from this day, looks like I had (and still do have!!) plenty of songs running through my head/sitting in my spirit from Passion 2011. *see Mountains Move & Beautiful Things.* Had just completed my first "real" week of school after our blessedly wonderful ice storm & was working to get my groove back...
*Proverbs 25:4~
Take away the dross from the silver,
and the smith has material for a vessel.
~February 8, 2011: ""studying""
----haha, I do have another journal entry from this day as well, but I mostly remember joking that I would finally 'commemorate' my 21st birthday 2 months late. (please. do you know me?? better believe I spent that night cramming for my chem test the next day.)
....oh snap. Just realized this was only one week ago?? ahahaaha, wow. I should be sleeping right now.
Beginning to realize in all of my asking for wisdom (James 1:5), that OF COURSE God gives wisdom generously...wisdom is constantly calling out & inviting me!
*Proverbs 8:5~
O simple ones, learn prudence;
O fools, learn sense.
Repeatedly humbled, repeatedly broken when I realize how natural (and sinful) it is for me to assess each day in my own strength & time parameters & expectations...Google Calendar should only do so much. Also, I felt rather lazy & not incredibly productive last week. (plenty of petty reasons, but I know it all boils down to not getting to bed on time & choosing to let that dictate my actions & responses....pleasant demeanor = the grace & mercy of Jesus!)
~February 14, 2011: "Happy 2011. (forreal this time)"
----it IS a happy 2011! =D Kind of nuts if I stop to realize that we're officially half-way through February now...but O, what the Lord has done in just the past month and a half! I pray that I'm not the same, but being made more like Him, more into a vessel He can use.
(yes, you need to click on "vessel")
Been reminded from the Word and confirmed through others, that I am constantly in the palm of His hand. (and so are you!) It's such a sweet place of rest, security and satisfaction --- and according to Jeremiah, this is the same place where I'm repeatedly crushed, re-formed, re-shaped, renewed, adjusted...yet I know the One who's doing it & that's how I'm able to rest.
After what felt like an out-of-whack week & an exhausting (but so wonderful!!) weekend full of dancing, I finally took a moment (which turned into an hour) to just sit on my bed, pour out my heart, and listen to His voice. (please try it - best Valentine's Day gift I've ever received...though daddy's chocolate covered fortune cookies run a close second.)
What I am prone to forget, is that "all things new" can happen every. single. second. His mercies don't run out, His Love never stops and I can't exhaust His patience through all of my finite struggles. I constantly wrestle with knowing that I'm human yet striving to be Holy as He is.
*1 Peter 3:13-16
Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
I know that life is cyclical and I know that I'm at a higher level...but I get so tired of arguing with myself over the same issues & behavior patterns...surely someday I'll truly walk this life like I believe all of His promises.
But then, He so gently reminded me how He sees my heart's desires and motive, and struggle to pursue diligence - which is apparently happening whether I can believe it or not. glory!
Thankful for the reminder that I shouldn't have everything at once..
*Proverbs 13:11-13
Wealth gained hastily will dwindle,
but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Whoever despises the Word brings destruction on himself,
but he who reveres the commandment will be rewarded.
little by little...thank you Father, for building habits and creating patterns in Your perfect timing - that the seed I'm sowing would not be choked out, but be repeatedly weeded, watered and fertilized within Your Presence. Thank you for loving me, for choosing me, for giving me the choice every single day to die to my flesh, that I may pick up my cross and follow You.
=]
let's go.
Happy New Year!
~January 25, 2011: "11 months 'til Christmas!"
----Going back through my journal entry from this day, looks like I had (and still do have!!) plenty of songs running through my head/sitting in my spirit from Passion 2011. *see Mountains Move & Beautiful Things.* Had just completed my first "real" week of school after our blessedly wonderful ice storm & was working to get my groove back...
*Proverbs 25:4~
Take away the dross from the silver,
and the smith has material for a vessel.
~February 8, 2011: ""studying""
----haha, I do have another journal entry from this day as well, but I mostly remember joking that I would finally 'commemorate' my 21st birthday 2 months late. (please. do you know me?? better believe I spent that night cramming for my chem test the next day.)
....oh snap. Just realized this was only one week ago?? ahahaaha, wow. I should be sleeping right now.
Beginning to realize in all of my asking for wisdom (James 1:5), that OF COURSE God gives wisdom generously...wisdom is constantly calling out & inviting me!
*Proverbs 8:5~
O simple ones, learn prudence;
O fools, learn sense.
Repeatedly humbled, repeatedly broken when I realize how natural (and sinful) it is for me to assess each day in my own strength & time parameters & expectations...Google Calendar should only do so much. Also, I felt rather lazy & not incredibly productive last week. (plenty of petty reasons, but I know it all boils down to not getting to bed on time & choosing to let that dictate my actions & responses....pleasant demeanor = the grace & mercy of Jesus!)
~February 14, 2011: "Happy 2011. (forreal this time)"
----it IS a happy 2011! =D Kind of nuts if I stop to realize that we're officially half-way through February now...but O, what the Lord has done in just the past month and a half! I pray that I'm not the same, but being made more like Him, more into a vessel He can use.
(yes, you need to click on "vessel")
Been reminded from the Word and confirmed through others, that I am constantly in the palm of His hand. (and so are you!) It's such a sweet place of rest, security and satisfaction --- and according to Jeremiah, this is the same place where I'm repeatedly crushed, re-formed, re-shaped, renewed, adjusted...yet I know the One who's doing it & that's how I'm able to rest.
After what felt like an out-of-whack week & an exhausting (but so wonderful!!) weekend full of dancing, I finally took a moment (which turned into an hour) to just sit on my bed, pour out my heart, and listen to His voice. (please try it - best Valentine's Day gift I've ever received...though daddy's chocolate covered fortune cookies run a close second.)
What I am prone to forget, is that "all things new" can happen every. single. second. His mercies don't run out, His Love never stops and I can't exhaust His patience through all of my finite struggles. I constantly wrestle with knowing that I'm human yet striving to be Holy as He is.
*1 Peter 3:13-16
Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”
I know that life is cyclical and I know that I'm at a higher level...but I get so tired of arguing with myself over the same issues & behavior patterns...surely someday I'll truly walk this life like I believe all of His promises.
But then, He so gently reminded me how He sees my heart's desires and motive, and struggle to pursue diligence - which is apparently happening whether I can believe it or not. glory!
Thankful for the reminder that I shouldn't have everything at once..
*Proverbs 13:11-13
Wealth gained hastily will dwindle,
but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.
Whoever despises the Word brings destruction on himself,
but he who reveres the commandment will be rewarded.
little by little...thank you Father, for building habits and creating patterns in Your perfect timing - that the seed I'm sowing would not be choked out, but be repeatedly weeded, watered and fertilized within Your Presence. Thank you for loving me, for choosing me, for giving me the choice every single day to die to my flesh, that I may pick up my cross and follow You.
=]
let's go.
Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmastime
ever have those times where you sit down with God, pour everything out (good & bad), then finally shut up (BE STILL) long enough to listen to what HE says about you?
that happened tonight. in the quiet of my bedroom.
Merry Christmas - He's the God of your days.
God of My Days
Gateway Worship
You awaken my heart
From slumbering
Meet me in mourning
And you speak to my grief
You're the light in my darkness
The delight of my eyes
The hope of the daybreak
When the sun's slow to rise
(Chorus)
I trust that every moment's in your hands
You're the God of my days
The King of my nights
Lord of my laughter
Sovereign in sorrow
You're the Prince of my praise
The love of my life
You never leave me
You are faithful
God of my days
You unveil my eyes
Help me to see
The arms of my Father
Encircling me
You're a constant companion
I am never alone
Your love is the banner
That's leading me home
(Chorus)
My eyes are on You
My hope is in You
My faith is in You
My eyes are on You
My hope is in You
My faith is in You
Geez...when you're trying to sort through so many actual & hypothetical situations running through your head, I'd encourage you to just start preaching to your soul.
Then, put your iTunes on shuffle and believe that He's going to speak to you through whatever songs pop up. (haha, but really!) At the end of about a 1 1/2 hours, I felt completely drained. but refreshed/restored/renewed. (HOW does God simultaneously kick your butt yet hold you in His arms??? ahh, He is faithful to discipline those He loves!)
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in. ~Proverbs 3:11-12
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. ~Revelation 3:18-20
that happened tonight. in the quiet of my bedroom.
Merry Christmas - He's the God of your days.
God of My Days
Gateway Worship
You awaken my heart
From slumbering
Meet me in mourning
And you speak to my grief
You're the light in my darkness
The delight of my eyes
The hope of the daybreak
When the sun's slow to rise
(Chorus)
I trust that every moment's in your hands
You're the God of my days
The King of my nights
Lord of my laughter
Sovereign in sorrow
You're the Prince of my praise
The love of my life
You never leave me
You are faithful
God of my days
You unveil my eyes
Help me to see
The arms of my Father
Encircling me
You're a constant companion
I am never alone
Your love is the banner
That's leading me home
(Chorus)
My eyes are on You
My hope is in You
My faith is in You
My eyes are on You
My hope is in You
My faith is in You
Geez...when you're trying to sort through so many actual & hypothetical situations running through your head, I'd encourage you to just start preaching to your soul.
Then, put your iTunes on shuffle and believe that He's going to speak to you through whatever songs pop up. (haha, but really!) At the end of about a 1 1/2 hours, I felt completely drained. but refreshed/restored/renewed. (HOW does God simultaneously kick your butt yet hold you in His arms??? ahh, He is faithful to discipline those He loves!)
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline,
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in. ~Proverbs 3:11-12
I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me. ~Revelation 3:18-20
Glory. Must be doing something right if the Father finds it worth it to correct and pour into me. =)
And yes - had another absolutely blessed Christmas, surrounded by my parents, siblings, niece & nephews...have to agree with Nick: "Man, if you had people around us that just heard us talking and didn't know what movies and tv shows we'd seen?...They'd have us committed." (hahaha!)
Looking forward to this final week of 2010, free of school & work (work that I get paid for, at least), ready to wake up in the morning without the assistance of an alarm clock. As I was journaling this evening, it finally occurred to me how fruitless it is to try and guess what God is going to do in 2011. (seriously?! too much caffeine.)
not anxious, just expectant for what the Father has in store. (and I cannot imagine a better place to start it than Passion 2011! So very stoked to go with Sam-a-lam & Joesha.)
More to come, I have lots of reading to do this week; glory to God!
but for now, going to rest my head on some Hallelujahs.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Advent story
As promised. (or stated, rather.)
*as found in my journal on Thursday, December 2, 2010...home between classes & before work*
"encouraged. (ha! I think I found my blog post...)
Thinkin' there's something more to this whole 'advent' emails fiasco...even before church (PCC) on Sunday, I knew I wanted to embrace Christmas differently this year, with a fresh (undivided, reverent, worshipful) heart. Then, I find out we'll receive specific, advent emails to add to my quiet times?! perfect. Even added mom and dad to the email list because I was sooo excited & ready to UP our expectations. Then yesterday morning, dad received his email, but I hadn't seen mine? =/ (a little miffed, but fairly convinced it would come later.) Thennn, Jayme had hers, so I asked (with a pouty, selfish attitude) her to forward it to me. She did, and it was/IS a good word. I was still confused, so I re-added 2 of my email addresses to the PCC sign-up. This morning? Kept hitting snooze & still had no email. Then I had a random thought at school - hadn't Jayme and I just been talking about not having spam folders for work email? hm, but doesn't my Gmail have a spam filter? Why yes, yes it does. Lo & behold, December 1st & 2nd Advent emails to be moved from spam directly to my inbox. (Satan does NOT get this victory.) my heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast."
What reeeally hit me through this 3-day lesson...when I didn't receive what I was expecting when & where I expected it - it was such a struggle to keep my attitude in check. My expectant hopefulness had all too quickly shifted into selfish complacency. ohhhh, how this should NOT be!!
But you know what the prayer was in that December 2nd Advent email? it was me.
--> "Father You came to us and found us when we were lost and unable to find You. As we continue our Advent journey strengthen our hearts so that we may persevere as we hear Your righteous judgment spoken against Your wayward and rebellious children. We are all those who sin and we have no hope apart from You. Jesus, thank you for Your willing sacrifice and the gift of righteousness which only comes from You. Amen."
*as found in my journal on Thursday, December 2, 2010...home between classes & before work*
"encouraged. (ha! I think I found my blog post...)
Thinkin' there's something more to this whole 'advent' emails fiasco...even before church (PCC) on Sunday, I knew I wanted to embrace Christmas differently this year, with a fresh (undivided, reverent, worshipful) heart. Then, I find out we'll receive specific, advent emails to add to my quiet times?! perfect. Even added mom and dad to the email list because I was sooo excited & ready to UP our expectations. Then yesterday morning, dad received his email, but I hadn't seen mine? =/ (a little miffed, but fairly convinced it would come later.) Thennn, Jayme had hers, so I asked (with a pouty, selfish attitude) her to forward it to me. She did, and it was/IS a good word. I was still confused, so I re-added 2 of my email addresses to the PCC sign-up. This morning? Kept hitting snooze & still had no email. Then I had a random thought at school - hadn't Jayme and I just been talking about not having spam folders for work email? hm, but doesn't my Gmail have a spam filter? Why yes, yes it does. Lo & behold, December 1st & 2nd Advent emails to be moved from spam directly to my inbox. (Satan does NOT get this victory.) my heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast."
What reeeally hit me through this 3-day lesson...when I didn't receive what I was expecting when & where I expected it - it was such a struggle to keep my attitude in check. My expectant hopefulness had all too quickly shifted into selfish complacency. ohhhh, how this should NOT be!!
But you know what the prayer was in that December 2nd Advent email? it was me.
--> "Father You came to us and found us when we were lost and unable to find You. As we continue our Advent journey strengthen our hearts so that we may persevere as we hear Your righteous judgment spoken against Your wayward and rebellious children. We are all those who sin and we have no hope apart from You. Jesus, thank you for Your willing sacrifice and the gift of righteousness which only comes from You. Amen."
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