Monday, April 26, 2010

Blown by the wind, but not flighty

Ok, something I'm recently realizing (well, perhaps not realizing, but accepting and enjoying)...you see, when the Spirit of the Lord moves upon my heart, I will dance like David danced!
Like last Thursday at church service, I tried staying in the pews during the 15 minutes of praise & worship (I really did, and looking back, I was being super prideful)...but I just couldn't!! (haha, do we love how quick the Holy Spirit is?!) Reminded me of Like a Lion - "let love EXPLODE and bring the dead to life!" I didn't go up front at the beginning of worship, because I was thinking 'ah, I always do that, I can be 'normal' for 15 minutes and stay in the pews, it'll be fine...'
um, by no means!!
I literally felt like I was going to internally combust if I didn't start moving...ahh, it was SO COOL! Praise God that I finally jogged up front - He is so worth it. It's not about how I feel or even what I think may be appropriate or acceptable - it's about what God is worthy of. (spoiler: He's worth more than my comfort zone).
It's such a liberating feeling to finally surrender and let God decide when I move - not just dancing, but with anything...but dancing is the best analogy I have!

Refuge finished a piece on Saturday - Persevering Joy? Joyous Perseverance? - I love it. It's such a literal picture of how the Holy Spirit moves and how we respond. I love that it's a duet, just a moment alone with God. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing half of the time, but there are a few moments where Madeleine (the Holy Spirit) grabs my hand, leads me where I need to be, and I remember what comes next. So clearly reminds me of the need to know what the hand of the Holy Spirit feels like...I may not know the destination, but I know the driver, and I know He won't lead me into something detrimental. And the way the dance flows, looks like wind is just blowing across the stage, prompting our movements...did I mention that I love it?! I'll say it again - I love it. It's the kind of wind that brings refreshment, joy, motivation - encourages you to keep going (persevering!).

Another reason to love this piece, it's a picture of one of my favorite chapters, James 1~

"Consider it pure JOY, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." v2-4

Such a necessary realization for me - the beginning of perseverance isn't the thought to plunge into something in my own strength, thinking I have everything under control, and can celebrate at the end of it all. Shift my perspective - the joy has to come first.

"And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the JOY of the Holy Spirit..." - 1 Thess. 1:6

If I haven't made the decision (every single morning!) to count it alllll joy, then I've missed it. Who am I imitating? ahhh, praise the Lord for His conviction that just sticks with us...so grateful for it, especially when I'm running out of energy. Today, I really just felt surrounded by all of my tasks, all the things calling for my attention/time/focus...and it's not bad things, it's all legitimate projects that I'm sincerely excited about. But, because I'm excited about it and like all of the other people that I'm working with/will be affected by these various tasks....I add unnecessary stress onto myself, thinking that I need to be perfect. (definitely had several moments where I was working for man, and not for the Lord. no bueno.)

I really do want the necessary affliction (to share in His sufferings), but I also have to receive His comfort...not wallow in my "omg, LOOK at my to-do list!" Does this make sense? I feel quite ramblingish tonight...and I'm so going to click "PUBLISH POST" anyway, haha.
bless God, amen.

ok. must stop. =)
more thoughts for a later blog....

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