Not enough words...

...to truly capture what went down this weekend. ha, I really don't have any words in particular, but I'm going to try anyway. You know, God can tell you to do something and give you confirmation upon confirmation, yet nothing quiiite clicks until His power manifests and just consumes every part of me.

I had no idea that I would share this weekend about my MS diagnosis; I planned to be much more general/vague, but God had/has something greater in store. I'm so thankful for the people He has blessed me with that also hear from the Holy Spirit and continue to encourage me..so so so BLESSED! "where would I be, if not for Your grace, carrying me in every season?" My prayer is that whatever words I spoke or move I made were so much bigger than myself and turned everyone's focus towards my Savior - may HE receive all the glory. I'm still amazed at how humbling it is to have physical control and power taken out of my hands..well, it never really has been mine to take charge of. Yet God is gracious enough to give us a free will and then love us just the same when we lay down what we're holding on to so tightly, and reach for His hand instead.
This entire week and weekend has also helped me understand why last week seemed to suck so much - satan kept trying to distract me from what God was preparing my heart for, and it didn't work. Sweet Lord, may my life continue to bear much fruit for YOUR Kingdom. ahhh, and I'm out. God is awesome.

DIScouraged

sweet Jesus...I have never fought so hard to count it all joy. If there's ONE thing God has hammered into me this year, is that He can use all of my circumstances and work them together for good - no matter what. So, why do I currently feel so attacked?? This is not pleasant...Lord help me.

Held by His hand

"I oughta know by now that face-down at Your altar is the place where I need to start..." - B. Reith

I'm so excited for my birthday to come...haha, I am readyyy to move on to another year of life. I wouldn't trade all of these lessons that God has taught me this year, but oh my goodness - what a process it has been. I'm thankful that God knows me infinitely better than I know myself, that He did exactly what He had to in order to reach me and remove my excuses. Especially being a dancer, I'm used to controlling my own body and deciding when I do what I do. It's entirely too humbling to have that power stripped out of my hands. I hate feeling so undependable, yet God then reminds me that I am to find my strength and security in Him. I can't control what other people may expect of me, but I can control how I reflect a Christlike attitude towards them. (and it should say that I am NOT my own!)

Something that's been a little discouraging to me lately, is realizing how many discouraged friends I have currently. I must be sure that I'm speaking His truth in love, because I so badly just want to go shake them and say 'Don't you understand how this circumstance is the perfect chance to see God be glorified in your life?! You'll get to first-hand rely on HIS strength and power through your weaknesses!' Now, if I hadn't already been going through such a turbulent year, how would I be able to share this knowledge?

"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." (1st Thessalonians 5:16-19)

^^^it's still a process, not instantaneous. Though I've also discovered, that just by having a thankful heart/attitude - it opens up my eyes to the abundance of blessings God has already placed in my life. I love driving to work/school in the mornings, and just thanking God outloud for whatever blessings come to mind...ah, He is so faithful! If only I would take the time each day to share the work He is doing in my life. (I am so thankful that He is not even close to being done with me yet.)

And, another verse my Uncle Nicholas & Auntie Dottie gave to me:

fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

I am so humbled to have recently had days where I can literally not support myself on my own two feet, and I know it has been HIS hand that continually upholds me (hallelujah). Please be encouraged to know that whether you 'feel' His presence or not - God's hand is there. Seek Him and you will find Him. (Matthew 7:7) Not being able to really dance these past few months has also heightened my perspective of worship, and makes me so thankful that God is checking our hearts. Personally, if I'm not really able to move my body, I don't feel like I'm honestly giving God my all. (but He knows me, knows what I want to be doing whether I'm physically capable of expressing it or not). So, I am definitely convicted yet still encouraged to give Him my all in EVERY area of my life; not making worship an act, but a sincere lifestyle.