Steadfast(ness)

"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." (1 Corinithians 15:57-58)

(when will I learn that when I speak something out loud, Satan can hear it and will try to attack it?!)
geez...thank You, Jesus, for an ABUNDANCE of grace! At the end of our staff Bible study last Wednesday (10-Year Challenge! woot!), we all spoke something prophetically over ourselves, an area that we personally wanted to grow in. The one word that came to mind for me: steadfastness.
Let me tell you - really since last Thursday after a particularly insightful sermon, it really felt like I was under attack. Still praising God, praying, and being thankful for the small (and big!) things...but all weekend long, I kept questioning whether or not I could hear the voice of God, or if I had even been hearing Him before? (it may not have been superficially evident, but I was a miserable wreck - questioning/doubting myself on way too many levels.) SO grateful that in the midst of this struggle, Fri/Sat/Sun evenings all brought some rich, much needed hours of sob-my-face-off-flat-on-the-ground-dance-like-crazy worship services. (Something about getting in the LOUD presence of God that finally lets me release the junk that I try to hold on to, because my hands are constantly extended heavenward.)

Then Monday evening, finally had the chance to sit down with my parents and younger sibs over dinner...haha, conversation excerpt:

*Joesh nearly drops chicken leg*
Dad: "Hey, that gave me an idea for a new restaurant - 'The Slippery Chicken!' Right?"
*Mom give questioning look*
Emily: "Thaaat does not sound correct."
Mom: "What about, 'Get a Grip'?"
Emily: "That sounds like an insane asylum."
Joesh: "For crazy chickens?"
Dad: "That's been done - Pollo Loco."
Abbie: "WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT!?"
=)

Finally, followed by a convo with my madre, who does such an amazing job of hearing my heart then pointing out what's a) Godly, b) girly, c) garbage. (Yes, the alliteration was intentional - makes my heart happy.) Thank you LORD, for a family that reminds me to take YOU seriously, not myself.

Going back to the 1 Cor. 15 verse, I was so encouraged to read that this morning and have clarity brought to some Psalms I found on Sunday...

Unless the LORD builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.
(Psalm 127:1-2)

"knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain"

Seek Him first, and you're not running or working in vain! You have a specific purpose, destination and focus. Praise God...so wish I could've had this epiphany sooner than I did. Yet - I know His timing is perfect and purposeful.

⁶Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

⁸Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. ⁹Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

¹⁰And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5)

Please don't get me wrong, I had an incredible week. (how can you NOT when a Pinkberry opens up within 10 miles from your house?!) Just learning (and re-learning) to be full of thanksgiving when I'm brought unexpected lessons. It's nothing new (v9) and God's not surprised. Hallelujah!


ps-you truly ought to buy DC*B's Summer Happiness album...less than $4 for some acoustic joy! =D

pps-um, if some of this post is randomly in all caps...hahaha, I have nooo idea why. Something is kitschy...

Too flipping blessed!

THIS is what happens - when you work with the most amazing people in the world. The kind of people that still let you work with them, despite a schedule that has changed every 10 weeks for the past 2.5 years. Absolutely amazing. =) Thank you, Jesus.

Next step

Well, I did it (through Christ, Who strengthens me!).
=)
Took my last Chattahoochee Tech final today...and it doesn't feel surreal, it feels like God's timing. I was in such a hurry to get out of there and, honestly, avoid building any relationships...haha, didn't work! So thankful for how God used CTC to break me down, build me up and make me more like Him. I was feeling slightly nostalgic this morning, so being the journaling fiend that I am, since today was my last class day at CTC, I wondered what I was thinking before my first day of classes at CTC...

*January 1, 2008, 10:10pm (yes, I totally write down the time. don't hate.)
"Looking back, I think there was a part of me that never thought I'd make it to college. But I have! This really is a BIG deal, and I'm determined to not let myself believe otherwise. This really is an accomplishment, to be putting myself through school, maintaining a job, and still dancing --- GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!
I am excited.
This will be a WONDERFUL experience.
I will not freak out or be stressed.
I am blessed, favored, anointed, and was raised up for this very purpose.
In Jesus' Name - amen! =)"

January 3, 2008, 12:03am
"...I MADE IT!!!!!!!
It won't all be easy, but I am SO relieved to have my first day of college behind me!! It's a small step in the big picture, but I'm enjoying it being a BIG step right now. Jesus is so sweeet to me!"


haha, 2.5 years later, and ditto! Looks like a big step today, but God holds the bigger (greater) picture...and all of it is a reason to praise Him!!
Friends, God doesn't go back on His Word.

"You will also decree a thing, and it will be established for you; And light will shine on your ways." (Job 22:28)

Hallelujah - He has before and continues to light my path!

"See that what you have heard from the beginning remains in you. If it does, you also will remain in the Son and in the Father." (1 John 2:24)

So thankful for the gift of abiding in Him. every. single. day.
Even when I repeatedly falter and stumble and grumble, there's fresh grace and mercy every morning! hm, think it's time to start declaring His truth and love over the next step - something good is on the way!

ps - thank you for your prayers over the past 2.5 years (+before & beyond)...there is no way I would have accomplished anything without the prayer covering I receive on a daily basis.
I love you all!

oh Lord...You would

"Have you ever come to Jesus? Watch the stubbornness of your heart, you will do anything rather than the one simple childlike thing - "Come unto Me." If you want the actual experience of ceasing from sin, you must come to Jesus.

Jesus Christ makes Himself the touchstone. Watch how He used the word "Come." At the most unexpected moments there is the whisper of the Lord - "Come unto Me," and you are drawn immediately. Personal contact with Jesus alters everything. Be stupid enough to come and commit yourself to what He says. The attitude of coming is that the will resolutely lets go of everything and deliberately commits all to Him.

". . . and I will give you rest," i.e., I will stay you. Not - I will put you to bed and hold your hand and sing you to sleep; but - I will get you out of bed, out of the languor and exhaustion, out of the state of being half dead while you are alive; I will imbue you with the spirit of life, and you will be stayed by the perfection of vital activity. We get pathetic and talk about "suffering the will of the Lord!" Where is the majestic vitality and might of the Son of God about that?"

-Oswald Chambers (June 11th, MUFHH)

ha, I love that - "Be stupid enough to come and commit yourself to what He says."

I wasn't stupid enough this week to come to Him. Definitely wise and prideful in my own eyes. It hurts. and I feel stupid for going through the same junk again...like it's lessons that I thought I learned before. (hm, guess NOT!) eesh. I'm quite sick of myself. Praise God for never ceasing to sing over me...it's to my own detriment that I chose to stop listening and wallow in my own whateverness. I don't mean for this post to be like, 'woe is me, I'm such a martyr,' but just to share my imperfections...but I don't think this is the stuff I'm supposed to boast in - ha, is stupidity a weakness? God, I pray you were glorified somewhere along the way this week. I just feel like I've wasted my time. but no longer. for my God is greater!


My little sister was right. I make myself anxious for no reason. (dahh, and by His grace, I am more secure than that, because I am rooted in HIM!) oh Lord, that I would be with You where You are...
goodness.
Dying to my flesh. every day. all day. continnnual process. hallelujah.

Can I please take a nap? that would be super fabulous. amen.

I wish I could start my week where I finally reach on Friday afternoon. You know? But at the same time, I love the conviction & peace that comes now (actually, mighta been here the whole time - but I wasn't ready to receive it).

that's all. too many jumbled thoughts...it's what I get for six hours on one subject w/o enough sleep. =]
Jesus loves you.

Pulled back to...

...the Glory of His Name!!!
I can't get enough. I need more. every day. every moment. I love Him. I need Him.

I want to be challenged. tested. tried. I don't want a comfortable, easy life. I want to stripped down, purified, sanctified, tested...I don't know, I just want Jesus to have it all. I'm longing to, but struggling to walk in His authority --- yet He has already given EVERYTHING I need for life and godliness. Time to write 2 Peter 1 all over my heart. anthem for life.
ah, Father, I will take my thoughts captive according to Your WORD - not my selfish, lustful desires. no way. You are too good for me to do that. Father, thank You for settling my thoughts and pulling me back to You - every. day. You are so good! ohhhh that You would rend the heavens.

hm. I think I've been ignoring Proverbs lately...gotta get back where I belong. A tame tongue and humble heart. hallelujah. Pointed out to my friend last night, that the lame & blind managed to find their way to Jesus - what is my excuse?? (His are the hands I've grown to trust, and His is the love that gives me life)

God...let me seek You with my WHOLE heart, completely abandoned and intentionally pursuing You (alone). (the more I seek You, the more I find You!) hm, root of this lame feeling - impatient selfishness. =/ the opposite? patiently (eagerly) serving - focus on OTHERS' needs, not my own, petty desires. Lord, as I'm continually blown by Your Holy Spirit, let me make my calling and election sure. hallelujah.
(my whole life I place in Your hands - God of mercy, humbled, I bow down - in Your presence, at Your throne)

I feel weird...do people pick up on my sincerity and delight in the Word, or do they think I just randomly copy & paste from Biblegateway? =/ agh, I'm so wrestling through this right now (to some avail?? I hope so). I'm just, questioning my motives again...am I doing and responding to things based on God's say-so, or am I doing things because I'm pulling towards a desired outcome or stirring up some kind of emotion? Is my heart to encourage my brothers and sisters through Christ, or do I want them to be impressed with my own 'holiness'?

Reminded - that God is faithful. His provision is meant to be a CONSTANT reminder of His faithfulness - He was once, surely He will be again!
oh goodness. I do NOT receive this "funk"! I kick its butt OUT of here in the Name of JESUS!!!
No time for this nonsense. More than a conqueror. More than enough grace. God is too good for me to 'feel' a certain way. He's greater. He IS GREATER>
whoa...
holding the shift key too long = revelation.
Yes, He is greater - but finish the sentence!
Greater THAN WHAT?
anything and everything.
do it. say it out loud. surrender, submit and release. (yikes. I need to loosen my grip on a lot of things right now...)
I can't decide which emphasis I like best (suppose it switches, depending on the situation):
YOU are greater.
You ARE greater.
You are GREATER.
whoa - revelation #2
don't be picky, shout the whole thing: YOU ARE GREATER!
ah, no matter what it is!

I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout!


When my heart condemns me
tells me I am guilty
You're greater
You're greater

Jesus you have searched me,
and even in your finding
You have loved
and You love me

This is who I am
I’ve been born again
the Cross is my defense, my hope secured
now my life is in Your Hand
on Your every word I stand
Lord I’m finding who I am in all you are

~This is Who I Am, Shane and Shane

Shifting seasons

Ohhhh, HIS goodness.

Seasons in my life are shifting, and I think I'm finally growing up. (haha, insert whatever comment you so desire, right here) I'm beginning to understand what it feels like to rest in God's sufficiency, His absolute sovereignty...not to puff myself up, but I have learned/am learning that I don't have to participate in the stressful circumstances that other people bring on themselves. (We are blessed enough to observe, learn, apply what we learn and move on! *like in Proverbs 24, looking at the field of the sluggard and receiving instruction from it.) For instance, this past Sunday, I purchased a new (to me) car - all by the grace of God, I assure you, because those were funds I did not expect to have for at least three more months. But no, God holds the best plans, the better promise (Hebrews 8:6)...and I'm finally not surprised! On Sunday afternoon, yes I was/am amazed by Him, but I knew that God had it all the entire time...it wasn't, "wow, I can't believe You did that again!" instead it was this deep satisfaction of "God, I know now that You are for me, of course You brought this to pass!" ahhh, His Love is SO DEEP!!! (and I'm learning all of this through a stupid car?! How much more does He care for our souls, for our relationship with Him?) God, thank You for building up my faith through petty things, now extend my reach to trust You where I cannot see or understand...(haha, and remind me that I just asked for that!)

Friends, His way IS in the whirlwind and the storm...if life suddenly brings you a torrential downpour, there are lessons and blessings to be gleaned from all of it. Our Father cares about birds and flowers - OF COURSE He cares so much more for us.
oh Lord, don't let my faith stop increasing because You've done a, b and c; rather, keep my hands open and my mouth full of praise & thanksgiving, expecting You to be exceedingly, abundantly, more than enough for Me! Thank You for the grace and flexibility to follow where You lead and reach out to those in need.

So blessed to have spent Memorial Day with some of my favorite people...natural family, Refuge family...completely excited, expectant and hopeful about all that God has in store (all the way around!). Yes, for the month of June, but even beyond that...

The LORD will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none. The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom. (Deuteronomy 28:12-13)

=)
(*not counting today, b/c it's nearly done)

Refuge in 3 days.
1/2 bDay in 6 days.
World Cup starts in 9 days.
Graduation in 15 days. (ohhhh yeah! Me & Shaniqua!)
My amigo Gilberto visits in 20 days.
Pink Berry/Refuge outing/JOY in our mouths in 23 days.
PCC in 25 days.
WPS All-Star game in 27 days.
The grace of my Father, the love of Jesus & counsel/comfort from the Holy Spirit every day!

Glory to God...this is only what I know of and June already looks blessed beyond measure. =)